Equal Rights ...

The Count von Überwaldburg wishes to make a complaint ...

Schloss Überwaldburg
Bad Grabstein

Frau Dr Woodhouse
Ünterwaldisch Commission for Equal Rights 
Anti-Discrimination Division
Bad Jujuheimer


Sehr geehrte Frau Direktorin,

I write pursuant to the stated policy of the government to, I quote, ‘create a culture of equality in which all citizens may live, irrespective of race, creed or culture’. The document I have before me, forwarded by a helpful slave serf peasant clerk in your employ declares that in your wonderful country, all persons shall be free to celebrate and live in their own culture. It further states that all cultures are equal, and that no person shall suffer discrimination should they choose to follow the practices of their own culture.

Such generosity of spirit by a government is to be applauded, however, it is not being translated into practice. I feel I must draw to your attention the fact that we Vampires are the victims of serious discrimination. As I am sure you are aware, there have been serious attempts to evict us from our crypts, deprive us of our ancient habitats and residences, and of life itself. Is it too much to ask to be allowed the occasional bite concourse with a willing young lady? According to the parchment document before me, Article 12 states that a citizen shall not be subject to arbitrary interference with his privacy, family, home, or correspondence, nor shall they suffer any interference in the pursuit of their normal activities. Article 18 further states that we have the right to think, speak and practice such religious observances as we choose. However, I must bring to your attention the fact that our pursuit of suitable offerings for our dining pleasure worship of the life giving essence constantly provokes violent discriminatory responses from the peasantry good folk of the towns and villages we hunt in frequent.

You will, I think, agree that it is a gross case of discrimination to refuse a member of my species family a position in the blood donor services. My daughter was not even given the courtesy of an interview, and the letter refusing her application was deeply offensive. The writer suggesting that her ‘morbid interest’ in sampling the blood donated was ‘ghoulish’. That, madam, is a serious slur upon our species. We are not Ghouls, a class of undead person we do not associate with - ever!

I find that, in general, the spirit of ‘inclusion’ appears to be seriously lacking whenever it involves one of my relatives, or any of the Igors, and as for the manner in which the werewolves are being hunted, restrained and confined whenever there is a full moon, it is utterly inhuman. Your law is quite clear, discrimination is unacceptable - why, there are even statements to this effect being made on the electronic image devices that adorn your homes - yet you do not enforce it when dealing with discrimination and persecution of members of my family, or the Igors and Hermann. I am now also in possession of legal advice from which I have learned that the pursuit of the werewolves, and the treatment meted out to those caught or injured, contravenes at least five pieces of legislation. These include the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals Act, the Licensing of Hunting Act, and the requirements for the prevention of suffering, anti-trapping and the care of wild animals legislation. In addition there are their Human Rights to be considered enshrined in the Convention on Human Rights, and the legislation to this effect passed by your parliament.

I do not exaggerate when I say that the hunting of werewolves is seriously endangering their continued existence. Their dualist nature should afford them the full protection of the law, yet is constantly flouted. Indeed, it is being put about by certain parties, that werewolves are ‘unnatural’ and therefore to be eradicated. They are denied the protection of human and animal laws. Utterly disgraceful, a travesty of your own laws, and a blatant contradiction of the advertised ‘inclusiveness’ of your society.

Thus far I have only touched on the discrimination against some of the species my family have shared this land with for centuries, but now I find that we, the rightful owners, are also under threat. We are also, I have learned, to be ‘hunted’ and exterminated. I have been declared an ‘abomination’ by a fellow who proclaims himself a ‘preacher’ bringing what he calls ‘salvation’ to his followers. Having studied his religious book - I am, after all, in possession of the largest collection of ancient writings in existence - I find he appears to believe that only his species, and more specifically, only those whose interpretation of his holy writings accords with his are to be treated as worthy of continued life. He preaches that I, and my family and other vampires, are the creation of some being he calls ‘The Devil’, and urges our immediate extermination.

Repeated complaints to the body you call ‘police’ have resulted in no action to halt the continued attacks upon us, the Igors and the werewolves. This leaves us little option but to take steps to defend ourselves. We do our utmost to comply with your quaint notions of proper relations; of refraining from feeding on engaging unwilling victims people, and have even taken steps to control the werewolves - and still we are refused the basic rights you claim for yourselves.  

Unless the current discrimination against my family and the Igors is addressed I shall have no alternative than to bring the matter to a court of law. I must insist that the cruel hunting, trapping and killing practices being perpetrated on my werewolves cease, and those responsible be brought to answer for their crimes under your legislation immediately.   

I look forward to your reply, and your speedy response to my demands complaint.

Pleasant screams dreams  

Wolfgang von Überwaldburg

Count von Überwaldburg, Vicomte Grabstein, Graf von Wolfwald.

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